When explaining something to your children, get close to them and make eye contact. Talking at your children from across the room or from another room rarely works. When you are close to your children, they will hear you better.

Tell your children what to do instead of what not to do. Use the word do instead of don't.
Try saying:

• "Walk instead of running."
• "Keep your paint on these papers."

• "Be a good boy and clean up."
• "Get ready to go."

Try saying:

• "Put your toys in this basket."
• "Put on your jacket and hat and bring your backpack."

Give your children reasons why they should do something. Describe the situation. Information helps children remember and figure out what to do.
Try saying:

• "I need quiet when I'm making a phone call."
• "Ants come in the house when jelly is on the floor."

Use fewer words. Your children will tune you out when you talk for long periods of time. Instead of a lecture, use a word or a phrase to remind them.
Try saying:

• "Walk, please."
• "Books and jacket."
• "Homework before TV."

Don't back yourself and your child into a corner. Use the word when instead of if.
Instead of saying:

• "If you don't finish lunch, you can't go outside."

Try saying:

• "When you finish lunch, you can go outside."

What won't work. If you give orders, criticize, put your children down, or beg them you will not get them to listen to you. This will make them stubborn, defiant, or hurt.

Screaming and yelling is not effective. In fact, the louder you yell, the less effective you are. Yelling and screaming lets your children know that you are out of control.

If you are struggling with the demands of parenting, the Prevention Information Resource Center and Parent Helpline is available throughout New York State, 24 hours a day, in English and Spanish, at 1-800-342-7472. Someone will listen to your concerns and give you information about programs and services that support parents and children.

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