General Parenting: When Your Child Drives You Crazy

Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever have. As a parent, you confront significant challenges everyday: babies cry, siblings fight, and teenagers refuse to listen. Even when they're behaving, your children need nearly constant attention, leaving you with little time to deal with your many other responsibilities. As you scramble to keep up with the demands of life, you may find it difficult to handle your children after long, hard days at work or after a frantic evening of running errands. You may feel alone or have financial difficulties. Sometimes the stress can be overwhelming.

How do you react to stress? Do you ever

• Use physical force—pull hair, twist limbs, shake—to gain power and control over your children?
• Withdraw from parenting responsibility because it is too overwhelming—leave kids unattended, drink too much, tune out?
• Call your children nasty names out of anger and frustration—curse at your children, put them down, make them feel worthless?

Most parents will react this way at one time or another. However, if you often find yourself using these methods to cope with your children, it is time to find better ways to handle your stress.

No one is perfect. Parenting requires on-the-job training—that's part of what makes it so difficult. All parents have to learn how to be good caregivers to their children. Here are a few pointers to remember when you're feeling overwhelmed.

For yourself:

• Know what to expect. Learn from a doctor or nurse what your child is capable of doing at a given age. For example, don't try to toilet train your 9-month-old baby. Wait until the baby is 2 or 3 years old—that's when babies are developmentally ready to learn to use the toilet.
• Keep in touch with others. Don't isolate yourself. Get support from friends, relatives, doctors, nurses, school staff, and mental health professionals.
• Recognize your own feelings. Are you frustrated, angry, tired, or anxious? Develop your own ways to unwind and cool down.
• Being a parent can be a good experience. Getting to know and love your children will make you feel great. Recognizing and encouraging the uniqueness of your child will make you feel proud.
• Parenting pressures are very real. You need to find safe, satisfying ways to release them.
• Know and meet your own needs. It is essential that you take care of yourself. If you need time away from your children, ask a trusted friend or relative to baby sit while you unwind.

For your kids:

• Praise your children often. Let them know you love them. Hugs and smiles go a long way!
• Talk to your children. From babies to teenagers, children need parents to explain things to them. Tell your children what you expect from them. Learn to listen to them as well. Children have feelings and ideas too.
• Make clear, realistic rules. Use the rules consistently, but don't be too rigid. Tell your children what the limits are, and follow through.
• Discipline should be realistic. Physical force is never the answer. Instead, take away a favorite activity, give a child a chore, or send your child to his or her room.

Don't try to do everything alone. If you are struggling with the demands of parenting, the Prevention Information Resource Center and Parent Helpline is available throughout New York State, 24 hours a day, in English and Spanish, at 1-800-342-7472. Someone will listen to your concerns and give you information about programs and services that support parents and children.

This information was adapted from materials produced by the Westchester Task Force on Child Abuse and Neglect.

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